Entry 4: Still at work

Fuck, am I tired. I work front desk at a small doctor's office inside an all-purpose superstore, and we saw 14 people in 4 hours. My brain's been everywhere today; I feel like a puppet being controlled by many people at once, and the writing, speaking, and smiling was all done by others that are not myself. Internal fights about my irritation with my coworker/s(?) that I try not to push out, just let fill the space of my mind. So much fucking talking to people, so much instinctive scanning, looking for disapproval, or for somebody to get aggressive, reading into every little movement. So much wondering why I feel like I'm the only one that makes any sense today, for the most part. A lot of irritation, and I'm trying not to resist these feelings & experiences as they come. I'm thrown off by going so long without talking to my psych. I wish I could hear what she thinks of everything. I wish I could afford my own place too, but the grind isn't over yet. I'm allowing my subconscious to make sense of the mess I've found all of us in, and trying to fulfill basic bodily needs in the meantime. The weed helps a lot. Can't wait until next week! I'll enjoy the end of today while I wait

Sign off. Listening to: that one song from the Madagascar movies, which is blaring from a speaker on a booth in the front of the store. I don't get why anybody would want to work here.